My birthday weekend ...

This weekend was my birthday. Chris wanted to go to Phoenix so Grammy could meet Christian for the first time. We left Friday morning around nine and Christian did GREAT. He was such a trooper. We stopped in Kingman, AZ and fed him, we ate as well. I was in the restroom changing his diaper and almost every woman that came in stopped and admired him. He gets so many compliments. We then decided to stop in Wickenburg, AZ so I could sit in back with him. He wanted to escape his carseat and was trying very hard, so I sat in back to entertain and of course took this picture cause he just melts me.

 

When we got to Grammy's he was smothered with kisses on his "chipmunk cheeks" haha. Just like his dads. She just cracks me up. We had a really good time. We didn't do much, by choice of course. She made her homemade noodles for my birthday and made sure to have a cake. Her and Chris sang me "happy birthday". Really cute.

 

While we were there Christian watched a LOT of T.V. He loves it. See ... This is how he is at home too. T.V. and his finger. Well I am having issues posting these pictures, but just know he is super cute. And I will try again later to re-post them.

 

This morning I dropped him off at day care. He was awake and happy. I normally am OK with dropping him off but this morning he was giving his eyes that he only gives mommy to his teacher Ms. Susan. Those "I love you sooo much" eyes. I know he loves her and that makes me happy ... but those eyes are my eyes. Yup, I cried on the way to work. I miss him sooooooo much every day.

 

 

 

Little man ...

Doesn't he just melt you ...

 

These pictures are his three month pics. He wasn't in the best mood last weekend, as you can tell with him not smiling. :( Here's the story ...
 



He had a BAD reaction to his formula last Friday evening, so we are introducing a new formula to him. It's super expensive, $35.99 a can. His poor tummy is sensitive to cow's milk. We knew this early on, but we had him on another formula that we thought was made with Whey Protein ... yeah cow's milk actually. I guess his tummy just couldn't take it anymore and he just exploded. Day care kept sending him home so g-mo watched him for us on Thursday. He liked his g-mo time. They seem to think he had the flu bug, I don't think so. The doc said "nope, it's an allergy" ... so who should we believe??! I hate seeing him so upset. He still smiled and coo'd through the whole thing though. He is such an angel. Chris is home watching him today and I am SO jealous. I just want to snuggle him and make him feel better. That's the mommy in me I guess and just look at him! Who wouldn't want to snuggle him.

A couple weekends ago Chris's brother Cameron got in a motorcycle accident. Christian and I were at the hospital with the family after the wreck. We did an impromptu photoshoot. He loves his Uncles ...

 

He looks like such a big boy next to them. So cute!

 

I just happen to love these pictures of him in his carseat. He looks so cozy and snug.

 

Oh and last but not least ... He had school pictures last week. This was the outfit I put him in ... Geez. He is soooo adorable.

 

 

More to come I am sure ...

My heart ...

Please excuse this post. This is more of a journal entry ...

This is perfect for how I am feeling lately. I struggle with having too big of a heart. It's a good thing when it comes to my love of my family, my love of my friends and my love of many things, but not so good when it comes to other things ...

I do struggle with the way people perceive me. Either as a woman, co-worker, mother, wife, daughter, aunt ... etc. It isn't a good thing. Chris always tells me to stop caring what other people think of me and I honestly do try, but it's a lot harder than it looks.

I read the book The Four Agreements, great book. You all should read it. It basically says what the quote above says. It's a brilliant book actually. I should read it again.

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

I live by 1 and 4. 2 and 3 I need to work on. It's just sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try, it's never going to be good enough. Or if someone is upset, it has to be something I did right?? NO. I am not the only person in their universe. I am not their spouse or mom. I am not the most "important" person in their life. So why do I think it's me? Now this doesn't pertain to my personal life by any means. I have a GREAT support system of a family. It's mainly my friends that I have this issue with. Not close friends, but more like my acquaintances. I just googled the definition and it explains it perfectly ... "a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend". See, why should these people matter in my mind, but they do. Weird. I am going to make an early resolution. And that is to not care anymore and to say "No". I have tried enough. I have been a good friend, kept secrets and stood up for them and it's time to stop. Time to not care anymore. Time to give 100% to the people that matter most. It's time to remove myself emotionally and physically. They can start pushing away other people now. It's not going to be me anymore, I am already gone ...