It's been awhile ...

Let's start here. It's been a busy couple of months. Little man is keeping Chris and I VERY busy ... We took his five month pictures ... He is getting so big. Makes me sad.

I love this picture. I took about 75 to get a good one. That is how it rolls now ... He likes to move a lot. I can already tell that when he starts to crawl and walk, I will probably lose the rest of my baby weight.

Here is our Christmas tree. I actually tried to include the tree in his five month pics ... but as you can see, he's too little to include a giant tree as well.

I love love love this picture of Chris and Christian. We were at Applebee's and he (Christian) was flirting with the server and she was loving it. So of course Chris was soaking it up too and I just couldn't stop staring at them ... I am truly so lucky.

Here are some more pictures of little man that I love!

He looked so handsome that day. He was wearing a polo shirt that I absolutely just love. I cried a little because he looked so much bigger.

Uncle Crusty and Christian. Uncle Crusty loves him so much. It's so cute.

I swear Dodge and Christian are going to be best buddies when he gets a little older. Dodge nibbles on his toes and I can't wait for Christian to beat him up back, cause I know he will. Their little bond is adorable. Dodge and Shadow love him so much.

 

Over the weekend Christian got croup. Well it happened at daycare, and we noticed it on Saturday morning. When we took him to the doc that day he said for sure it was croup. He's been on antibiotics for five days now and still has a cough, but it'll go away soon. Since he can't lay directly on his back for a few days, he's been laying in his rock-n-play (thanks to Auntie Jennifer) and just look how big he is in it?! He used to be a little peanut, now he is a giant peanut.

 

We spent Saturday with Missy and Junior ... Missy took this picture and it's one of my absolute favorites. He is so adorable. I tell Chris all the time that we really made one stinkin cute kid. He's for sure going to be a heartbreaker.

 

 

 

And last but not least ... Merry Christmas!

 



Four months ...

Little munchkin is four months now ... and I seriously can't believe it. He's so much fun and is so cute. He laughs all the time and makes these cute little sounds. He's discovered his voice so he is making noises all the time. He also knows when we are about to feed him, he sees the bottle and never takes his eyes off of it. He's used to his formula now and it seems to have helped him so much. That along with his gas drops, he's one happy boy.

 

 

His daycare teacher sent this. Doesn't he look so happy?

 

 

Don't you just want to smother this face with kisses?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Experiencing it all ...

Our poor little munchkin is experiencing it all ... I feel sooooo bad for him. First off he's teething. Oye vey and because of this he has a diaper rash ... which is now a yeast infection. Poor little guy. He has been awake since 2a.m. this morning. He either misses me and LOVES to spend time with his mommy or just wants some cuddle time and I am ok with either of those. He has had this rash since last weekend, but it cleared up over the week. Well on Sunday it came back with a vengence. We couldn't even wipe his bum without him screaming. I soaked him in an oatmeal bath for awhile and took him to the doctor this morning. His doctor gave him a prescription for an oitment to use for a week till it clears up.

This post is more for a baby book entry. I plan on printing these after a year to keep track of all that he's done or gone through!

This weekend was also fun at the park ...

He was just talking to me. It was so much fun. One of our friends had his birthday party there, so all the guys played games and I got to snuggle with my little guy. Something I don't get enough of. He's so much fun now. He loves to talk and stand up, but also lets me snuggle. I like this age. I just wish he wasn't teething. Poor little bugger.

During his doctor appt this morning they weighed him. He now weighs 15 lbs. Can you believe it? He's going to be giant. I love it!

Mommy misses you little one and can't wait to come snuggle with you. Love you.

My birthday weekend ...

This weekend was my birthday. Chris wanted to go to Phoenix so Grammy could meet Christian for the first time. We left Friday morning around nine and Christian did GREAT. He was such a trooper. We stopped in Kingman, AZ and fed him, we ate as well. I was in the restroom changing his diaper and almost every woman that came in stopped and admired him. He gets so many compliments. We then decided to stop in Wickenburg, AZ so I could sit in back with him. He wanted to escape his carseat and was trying very hard, so I sat in back to entertain and of course took this picture cause he just melts me.

 

When we got to Grammy's he was smothered with kisses on his "chipmunk cheeks" haha. Just like his dads. She just cracks me up. We had a really good time. We didn't do much, by choice of course. She made her homemade noodles for my birthday and made sure to have a cake. Her and Chris sang me "happy birthday". Really cute.

 

While we were there Christian watched a LOT of T.V. He loves it. See ... This is how he is at home too. T.V. and his finger. Well I am having issues posting these pictures, but just know he is super cute. And I will try again later to re-post them.

 

This morning I dropped him off at day care. He was awake and happy. I normally am OK with dropping him off but this morning he was giving his eyes that he only gives mommy to his teacher Ms. Susan. Those "I love you sooo much" eyes. I know he loves her and that makes me happy ... but those eyes are my eyes. Yup, I cried on the way to work. I miss him sooooooo much every day.

 

 

 

Little man ...

Doesn't he just melt you ...

 

These pictures are his three month pics. He wasn't in the best mood last weekend, as you can tell with him not smiling. :( Here's the story ...
 



He had a BAD reaction to his formula last Friday evening, so we are introducing a new formula to him. It's super expensive, $35.99 a can. His poor tummy is sensitive to cow's milk. We knew this early on, but we had him on another formula that we thought was made with Whey Protein ... yeah cow's milk actually. I guess his tummy just couldn't take it anymore and he just exploded. Day care kept sending him home so g-mo watched him for us on Thursday. He liked his g-mo time. They seem to think he had the flu bug, I don't think so. The doc said "nope, it's an allergy" ... so who should we believe??! I hate seeing him so upset. He still smiled and coo'd through the whole thing though. He is such an angel. Chris is home watching him today and I am SO jealous. I just want to snuggle him and make him feel better. That's the mommy in me I guess and just look at him! Who wouldn't want to snuggle him.

A couple weekends ago Chris's brother Cameron got in a motorcycle accident. Christian and I were at the hospital with the family after the wreck. We did an impromptu photoshoot. He loves his Uncles ...

 

He looks like such a big boy next to them. So cute!

 

I just happen to love these pictures of him in his carseat. He looks so cozy and snug.

 

Oh and last but not least ... He had school pictures last week. This was the outfit I put him in ... Geez. He is soooo adorable.

 

 

More to come I am sure ...

My heart ...

Please excuse this post. This is more of a journal entry ...

This is perfect for how I am feeling lately. I struggle with having too big of a heart. It's a good thing when it comes to my love of my family, my love of my friends and my love of many things, but not so good when it comes to other things ...

I do struggle with the way people perceive me. Either as a woman, co-worker, mother, wife, daughter, aunt ... etc. It isn't a good thing. Chris always tells me to stop caring what other people think of me and I honestly do try, but it's a lot harder than it looks.

I read the book The Four Agreements, great book. You all should read it. It basically says what the quote above says. It's a brilliant book actually. I should read it again.

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

I live by 1 and 4. 2 and 3 I need to work on. It's just sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try, it's never going to be good enough. Or if someone is upset, it has to be something I did right?? NO. I am not the only person in their universe. I am not their spouse or mom. I am not the most "important" person in their life. So why do I think it's me? Now this doesn't pertain to my personal life by any means. I have a GREAT support system of a family. It's mainly my friends that I have this issue with. Not close friends, but more like my acquaintances. I just googled the definition and it explains it perfectly ... "a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend". See, why should these people matter in my mind, but they do. Weird. I am going to make an early resolution. And that is to not care anymore and to say "No". I have tried enough. I have been a good friend, kept secrets and stood up for them and it's time to stop. Time to not care anymore. Time to give 100% to the people that matter most. It's time to remove myself emotionally and physically. They can start pushing away other people now. It's not going to be me anymore, I am already gone ...

This guy ...

This guy ... He is mister chunk and I love him so ...

I have a hard time leaving him on the weekends and weekday evenings. He is just soooo cute and SOOOOOOOO good. On Sunday afternoon I went to lunch with some friends and he came with. He did so good. Before I knew it, we had been there for three hours and he just hung out with us. Didn't cry, whine or anything! He slept for about 20-30 minutes of it, but for the most part he was wide awake and enjoying girl time with his mommy. I loved it. It was stroller city as well. A few mommies and daddies came by and just awed at him, how good he was and how cute he was. Chris and I are truly lucky parents. Couldn't have asked for more of a laid back little guy.

Sleeping through the night ...

I have been asked many MANY many times if he sleeps through the night. He does and he doesn't. He is only two months and three weeks and sleeps through the night one night and then he doesn't sleep well the next night. BUT last night and Saturday night he slept until 5:45 in the morning. I even laid him down at 7:30p.m. both nights because I could just tell he was so tired.

Again ... We are truly lucky lucky parents to have been blessed with such an awesome son.

Growing too fast ...

This makes me happy and sad ... He is growing WAY TOO FAST. He seriously needs to slow down. I feel like I blink and it's the weekend (Woohoo!), I blink and it's Monday (Awe!). Ugh. SLOW DOWN. I love this picture of him. On Saturday I set up his jungle gym and laid him on there for the first time. I was showing him how to pull on the shapes and he started to do pull ups on them. It was so cute. He is going to be so strong. He loves that thing. Thank you Jennifer!

Last week I had a sad morning and didn't want to leave him. So I woke up early to snuggle. I love this picture of us.  

It just makes me so sad to see him grow so fast. I love watching him grow, but just slow down little dude.

He is such a good little guy. Over the weekend we went and ran errands. He was a trooper the whole time, and we were gone for awhile. He just hung out and people watched. He did though get a little freaked out in Petsmart. I think that might have been a little much for his little brain to take. He's a little rockstar though. Sure does love his mommy! I can tell. He's just watching me the whole time. He makes me happy if you can't tell.

Gotta love those trying mornings ...

You just gotta love those trying mornings ... this morning was one of them. Let me tell you about it.

As you know we have two dogs. Dodge and Shadow. Shadow is 7 maybe 8 years old. We adopted her from the Humane Society in Wyoming when we lived there. They weren't sure of her age, so that's why it is just a guess really. Dodge is still a pup and STILL acts like it. He is 1 in a half. Well, Dodge needs attention. Shadow is good if you just leave her alone, she'd sleep all day if Dodge let her.

This morning Dodge was his normal crazy self and running up and down the hallway, then running downstairs, then running outside (when he is like this I leave the back door open and he just runs all morning). Shadow likes to bark at him cause she wants to play, but doesn't really want too, cause when he trys to play with her she just barks and snaps at him. OH VEY ... 

Christian slept pretty good. He woke up at 4a.m. and I got him to go back to sleep by sticking Mr. Bink in his mouth. My alarm was set to go off at 5a.m. The reason I wake up so early is so I can have a cup of coffee, pump, check my email and have a quite morning before the craziness begins. This is also usually before Christian wakes up too. Well, I slept past my alarm. I have no idea how. I must of just turned it off while still asleep. I woke up by Christian crying at 5:45a.m. I just freaked and went into hyper drive. I got him out of his crib, set him in his bouncy chair, fed him Mr. Bink and took a two minute shower. I washed my hair, blew it dry and got ready in 45 mins. I then had to pump, feed him his bottle, scream at the dogs to shut up, do my makeup and try to burp him while he screamed his head off because he just wanted to finish eating. MAN. Oh, and + Chris was at work.  

I am well aware that these mornings are going to happen all of the time. I just wasn't mentally prepared for it this morning. I guess you really can never be prepared for it actually. Goodness ... The life of a mom. I LOVE IT because I get to look at this all morning. 

Torticollis ...

Torticollis ... This sounds WAY more serious than it really is, but I think Christian has this.

It means he favors one side more than the other when he sits or sleeps or even lays and when you move their head to the opposite side, it's really tight. If you look in the pictures below in every one of them he favors his right side.

I noticed on Friday that his head is starting to flatten on his right side. The doctor also mentioned it to Chris at his shot appt and daycare also noticed this too. In order to make him not have a oddly shaped head when he grows up you just have to do muscle exercises and make sure he lays on his left side. Easier said than done when you can't control how he sleeps while I am sleeping at night, but it'll be good.

I learned this all by Nancy Holtzman on Twitter. For those of you that have Twitter ... FOLLOW. HER. She is amazing. She is my baby bible. So smart. Jennifer got my onto her. She is the only reason I joined Twitter and I am so happy I did.

First times ...

This weeknd was full of firsts for Christian. Where shall I begin ...

Friday was his first night in his bedroom without daddy sleeping on the floor. Haha. I didn't take a picture and I am sad about that, but I took plenty of other pictures. He did so good. I think he likes his bedroom. I on the other hand didn't do so well. I have a hard time with the dark. I know I know I am 26 and am scared of the dark but it's from all the scary movies I watched when I thought I had no fears, now they are catching up to me. I did great when he was in the room with me, but now he is in the room next to me and I have been sleeping with my door open so I can hear him if he cries or anything. We have a baby monitor but it makes me feel better having my door open too. On Friday I didn't sleep very well so on Saturday Christian and I went to Target and bought a small lamp for the hallway and I leave that on at night and I slept awesome. It was a good idea!

On the weekends I put him in the rocker so he will sleep a little more after I feed him. This thing is wonderful, see ...

Then after it's always morning snuggles ... I have a hard time setting him down on the weekends.

On Saturday night Missy and I went to the San Generro feast. It was a BAD idea. The whole time I was having an anxiety attack .. "Is it too loud", toooo mannyy peeoppple ... ahhh. Then we sat to eat and these two older woman said; "oh, how old is he", me; "he is two months", ladies; "oh, what about the sounds, is it too loud for him". So the whole time I thought for sure I was making my kid deaf. We left shortly after that and hit up Rita's. MMMM! I should have known better though, by the time we walked out he was sound asleep. He seriously could sleep through an earthquake.

On Thursday night I was going through Christian's daycare bag and noticed this ...

His first peice of artwork. Isn't it so cute??? This made me so happy.

For our anniversary Chris and I went to Fogo's. It's a brazillian steakhouse. It was pretty good, but too much food! I asked Chris to take a pic of us and he left this little gem on my phone ...

He is so sweet ... Haha.

We also took his two month pictures. He loves his new red chair from Auntie Jennifer and loves to watch T.V. in it.

I love this picture of him. He seriously can't get any cuter.

And of course watching T.V. in his chair ...

On Friday little man had his two month shots. So sad. I didn't have to go, luckly! Daddy took him. He is more tough with that stuff than me. He is now 54% with his weight and 84% with his height and weighs 13 lbs. He is Mr. Chunk.

That's about it! :D

Anniversary ...

Today is our 5th anniversary. This picture below was taken last year in October (when I was pregnant with Christian and had NO idea). It's one of my favorite pictures. It was our last trip together before we became parents and I won't ever forget how much fun we had together. We were in San Diego for a friends wedding. San Diego is our spot. We LOVE LOVE LOVE it there. Whenever we leave to come home we both just want to become bums and live on the beach. Ahh ... but back to reality we go.



Hmmm ... I am not sure where to begin. Last night Chris surprised me with a camera. A Nixon D3100. He stayed home from work too. I was SO excited. You know what I got him? A kingsize KitKat bar and a card ... Yup WIFE.OF.THE.YEAR! But honestly I can't express my love for him. This year has been challenging. He works a lot and goes to school on top of that. But he still manages to come home and be this amazing supportive husband. He wakes up on his 1 maybe 2 days off with Christian and feeds him at night so I can get sleep. When I see him with little one it melts my heart. My love for him has grown so much ... Everyday I want to be a better wife and mother and I owe that to him and Christian. I love my family so much.

Oh, and P.S. ... please excuse my grammar or spelling errors. I am not very strong in that field!  

Tonight g-mo is watching little one. G-mo is Shelly's name. It sounds better than grandma she says. Haha. I know they are both excited to spend the time together. I can't wait for our date night!

Picking up the pieces ...

My very best friend wrote me an email yesterday when I addressed something with her. I haven't been myself lately. She wrote something that has stuck with me since. When you are pregnant everything is about you, "how are you feeling", "are you ok", "do you need anything". You get used to this. Then one day you have this beautiful, vibrant, adorable little baby, and it stops. It isn't about you anymore. It's all about that little one. Which is ok. You are their life force. The only thing they live and breath for, but you as the mom are left picking up the pieces. You have to pick up immediatly and be the best mom in the entire world. Your whole life is shifted in one second. That very second they place that beautiful soul in your arms, but honestly how can you not lose yourself?? Society has it engrained in us to be "superwoman". It's not possible. What you should be is the very best YOU.

I am hormonal and I chalk all my feelings up to that, but honestly being a mom is hard. I have been a mom for just over two months now and it doesn't get any easier. You learn to survive on less than four hours of sleep a night and you learn to not complain about it. You have to just pick up the pieces and truck on.

I felt as if I was alone in all of this. I felt like an awful wife when I expressed to Chris that I couldn't do it all. I can't be the superwoman I expected myself to be. I felt like an awful mom when I cried at night because all I wanted Christian to do was sleep. I felt like an awful doggy mom when I'd yell at the dogs for following me around the house, only because they needed some attention. I felt like an awful mom when I was praying for 7p.m. to roll around so I could lay Christian down for bed. WHY? Why as moms do we put ourselves through this? It's awful. I hate this feeling. I feel as if I am only giving my family 50% of myself when I should be giving 100%.

I am a very happy person. I look at the good in everyone first. I look at the beauty in everything. The other day I was driving home from work and there was a double rainbow. I was ANGRY at people stopping to take pictures of this awesome thing. Not once did it occur to me to stop and do the same thing. To stop and look at the beauty of a double rainbow. I then realized. Oh damn, something is wrong with me. I sped home ran into the house with Christian in my arms and just lost it. I cried and cried to Chris about feeling overwhelmed with life. Feeling tired. Feeling miserable for myself. Feeling sorry for him and Christian for having to be around my miserable self. Isn't that disgusting?? That isn't me. 

So I am writing this because I know I am not alone. I want to change and am going to change. I am going to be the best mom, wife, co-worker, sister, aunt, everything I can be and no more. I am going to stop trying to be superwoman, and there it is ... Bricks are being lifted of my shoulder. Ahh ...  

Birth ...

Christian Robert Carrier was born on July 9th, 2013 at 9:31p.m. He was 20.5 in long and 7 pounds 15 oz. He is beautiful. Here are some pictures of our little guy.

That's one proud daddy!

This was his first picture with his eyes open. Right after I gave birth.

And of course the sleeping pictures ... I just can't resist. Love these cheeks.

Well, here is how it happened. By "it" I mean his birth. Haha. On July 8th we checked in at the hospital at 10p.m. Ugh. I. Know. Chris and I had this brilliant idea to stay awake the night before so we could sleep all day up until we had to head to the hospital. It wasn't so brilliant. We were way to happy. They had me change into their gorgeous gown and I flopped into the bed. I still was only dilating at .5 which is nothing. There are woman walking around at that for weeks before they go into labor. The nurse decided the cervidil was my best option and put me on that until 6a.m. I was dilating at a 1 now. Chris and I didn't sleep a wink that night. We both were way to tired and excited to sleep. I ate breakfast and walked around until 8a.m., and then they started the pitocin drip. They had it dripping at a 2 for a little while and I started having contractions. By about 3ish maybe 4p.m., I was at a 3.5. Let me tell you though they kept increasing the dosage and by then it was dripping at a 24. Ugh. It was awful. I was having heavy heavy contractions. They gave me two rounds of pain medication because I wasn't far enough for the epidural. My nurse kept moving me from side to side, onto my back, then onto the other side and NOTHING would stop the pain. Well, duh! Around 6p.m. my current nurse (who was my favorite) came in and said she wasn't comfortable with my pain level. During each contraction I would stop breathing because I was in so much pain, which isn't good for the baby. She stretched me to a 4.5. Within two minutes the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural. Ahhhh!!!! I was given oxygen for a little while and tried to sleep. That didn't happen. By 8:30p.m. I was pushing and he was born at 9:31p.m. AMAZING. Chris held one leg, Shelly (Chris's mom) held the other and the nurse coached me on pushing. My best friend Jennifer was on my right side taking pictures, and Missy was on the left probably throwing up from disgust. Haha. It was a long two days but totally worth it.

My sis-in-law Lish always told me throughout the pregnancy to enjoy being pregnant and as much as you can enjoy the birth. I didn't. The whole time I whined and cried. Well now, I don't remember hardly anything, and that makes me sad. I wish I would have embraced it more. But I was miserable.

Here are a couple pictures as examples of how LARGE I was: 

This was a couple weeks before his birth.

And this was my sisters wedding on June 15th.

Honestly though all I can say is enjoy that part. The endless nights don't even compare to when he arrived.

I wouldn't change any of it either. He is so beautiful. Inside and out. He makes me smile everyday. He brought Chris and I closer than we ever were before. Seeing him give Christian butterfly kisses melts my heart every time. HE is the best daddy. I couldn't love anything or anyone as much and I love these two guys in my life. Nothing is better than family ...  

The start ...

The beginning, Chris and I were married on September 12th, 2008 in Salt Lake City. We didn't have the most traditional wedding, we both are very chill ... not mushy mushy and felt hey why not the courthouse?? Simple in and out. It turned out amazing. We had the most wonderful judge marry us. His name was Judge Mann. I only spoke with him once before our wedding day over the phone and he asked some simple questions, normal routine I thought. Nope. He gave a very nice speech about marriage and love then we were married!

We made our way outside for some quick pics, then we all walked to Squatters. It's a brew pub in Salt Lake (see untraditional)! Our friends and family were there waiting for us. Chris and I rented the whole upstairs of the bar and had an open bar and buffet food. It was really nice. I am pretty sure I got to enjoy one glass of wine while Chris was fed shot after shot and beer after beer. Me, I was pulled in 17 different directions for pictures and hugs and praise. Honestly, I wouldn't change it for the world. I was so grateful for everyone taking time out of their busy lives to enjoy this experience with us. People still tell us to this day that it was one of the funnest nights of their life and I love that. It's all we wanted. Something we'd enjoy and something our close loved ones would enjoy.

Ok, ok ... baby now!

Let's see where did it start ... We found out I was six weeks pregnant in November 2012. It has been a long ordeal. The first trimester I was so sick. All. Of. The. Time. One weekend I lost four pounds. I couldn't eat fruit at all. I'd squirm when I smelt bananas. Still sometimes can't stomach that smell. On my way home from work around 5pm would be the worst. I'd always get really sick, had to have some crackers in the car to snack on or I wouldn't make it without having to pull over. The second trimester was amazing. My belly didn't "pop" until I was well into it and the whole time I felt like superwoman. I slept amazing and could eat anything. They don't lie when they say that is the best time of pregnancy. It's amazing.

February 1st, 2013 we had our ultrasound. Chris and I didn't realize we were doing the whole anatomy ultrasound, we thought it was just a quick reveal of the sex. Nope. We got to see our little man from his brain to his toes. It was an amazing experience. We both were just glued to the TV screen. Our tech was 38 weeks pregnant and was explaining everything to me so I would be able to understand. We were really fortunate with that, well just me I guess. Chris understands all that technical talk! Oh, he is a BOY! His name is Christian "something A" Carrier. His whole family has the initials CAC and we both feel we should keep that tradition if possible. How hard could an A middle name be right? Nope. We still haven't thought of a name and he is coming in less than a month. We need to get on that.

This is him!

He currently is very active. He moves all of the time! I mean all of the time. He likes to punch me and get me going, haha.

Now I am 36 weeks pregnant. He is due July 5th. His room is all done (don't worry I am super proud and will post pics), my hospital bag is packed and I am READY! Ready to hold our little boy, ready to become a mom, ready to hear him say "daddy" for the first time, ready for him to wear all of his cute baseball hats. I am just READY!

Oh and P.S. if you want to come and visit. You aren't allowed in the room unless you have either sushi, wine (already open with a glass in hand) or an iced coffee from 7-11 with you.

Just kidding, but seriously we can't wait for him to be with us.